today was absolutely exhausting. i'm sitting with my back against our fridge on the floor of our little kitchen here at berachah. kimberly is laying flat on her face to my left, enjoying the cool floor. my legs are already bitten. there is a constant layer of sweat under my lower lip, and a jetlagged feeling that i'm not sure will ever go away.
it might sound like i'm having a horrible time...i'm not :) i love this. i can't imagine doing anything else with my time than being with these kids. even when it frustrates, even when it's overwhelming.
one of the things i love about this trip, even though it's only been two days, is that we don't have the pressure of a two week trip. i know time is going to fly by, but i don't feel rushed. it's really nice.
when kim, cory and i came down the stairs this morning, a few of the elementary boys popped their heads out of the door and smiled at us. the second that cory scooped one of the boys up, i kid you not...fifty or sixty of those littler boys ran toward the three of us and surrounded us. i had fifteen or twenty boys tugging at my shirt and touching my arms and smiling and laughing and somebody was trying to climb up my back.
this is overwhelming to me for two reasons: 1] the obvious...it's just overwhelming. it is emotionally and physically and mentally exhausting to have that many kids doing that to you at one time...even if it's making you happy and making you laugh and it's life-giving in some weird way 2] i hate having that many kids trying to win my attention because i know they're all competing with each other. i hate thinking about how different their life is from, say...some of the kids i babysit back at home. who are scooped up by their mom and dad on a daily basis. how this might be the only time they have someone letting them touch and pull and poke and be silly and they have to share it with twenty other kids that need the same thing.
but anyways. happier things. so much of the time when i'm here, interacting with some of these kids...i just think about how happy i am to see them, and how special i feel that i get to see some of the same kids again. i obviously love all the kids, but there are probably about twenty or twenty-five that i feel like i have an actual relationship with. and whenever i'm with those kids, one on one or in smaller groups, i just think...how neat that i've been watching you grow up the past three years.
i need to get better about taking photos during the day. knowing that i have six weeks here has made me lazy. but some of these kids...i just have to show you pictures of. there's little gopi, who i got to hold today. he was one of the new kids last year. he's probably three or four. he has a buzz cut and was wearing a tank top that was too big for him today and so i was like heeeeeey too bad you're so cute, i'm going to pick you up. so i did. then there's daven...a lot of you have heard about daven. daven is really special to me because my first day here at berachah three years ago was the day he first came to the orphanage. he just has this really sweet, sincere little face and one of the best smiles i've ever seen...and seen a lot MORE of just in the last few days that i've been here. i still remember the first year i came to india, and i walked around the boys dormitory carrying daven around with his head resting on my shoulder...and thinking about how awesome that was. i'm always humbled by the trust some of these children exhibit when they allow for moments like that one. then there's this other girl, who i can't remember the name of right now. but she just came here this year with her sister and she NEVER stops smiling. kiran told us there was a girl here who was always smiling, but he never had to tell us who it was. we figured it out pretty quickly. tonight as i was walking toward the stairs she kept tugging on my shirt and tapping on my back until i turned around to see that expectant, goofy grin she always has.
i'm off to go to bed. blessings.
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