india post eight.

post eight

Well dang! It took four visits to India for me to finally throw up. I always hear horror stories of people going to India and getting sick, but I had no stories to offer until today :) even though I feel really crummy right now, I guess I find it kind of funny. I felt really bad a couple hours ago because the girl's caretaker, Mary, came in to check on me and it was during the twenty minutes I decided to spend laying sprawled out on the cool floor with my arm thrown over my face. These people must think Americans are just such fragile pansies.

So now there's nothing to do except lay in my bed, listen to sufjan Stevens, and blog...and hope that this blows over soon. I teach class tomorrow, so we can't have this. It's really sad, because I can hear my girls playing outside the window. And every once in a while they ask about me to Kimberly or Cory.

All I want right now is some blue gatorade. And my dog.

But on another note, i loved Friday. 

monday through thursday, we taught english from 9:30 AM to 3:30 PM with a break for lunch. Friday was our break from teaching, and they put us to work in the kitchen.

therefore, the work consisted of chopping vegetables and de-shelling the peanuts (i'm sure there's a more technical term for that? shucking? whatever.) to be used for that evening's dinner. 

Friday was just another example of the sense of community i love here. i love being around these people all the time, even though i can't necessarily participate in full conversations with them. this morning, being able to sit with my friends, vijay, mary and the other widows on staff here at berachah was such a life-giving time for me.

the better part of my morning was spent sitting on the hallway floor with a pile of peanuts in front of me. sometimes it was quiet, other times it was filled with laughter. more than once, one of the ladies would say something (i think at cory and my's expense) and everyone would laugh. I loved every minute of it.

Then yesterday, we went to vijayawada...a city that's about an hour and a half from here. We did a few touristy things with Kiran and Joshi, had lunch with Kiran's son, Benny, and went to Best Price (which is a wal-mart owned superstore). It was a very tiring day. 

And in some other thoughts, I've come to realize that I have two weaknesses.

The first one is that I think I'm invincible. I almost decided to go out to the churches with Kiran this morning, even though I wasn't feeling good. I was showered, dressed and ready to go and at the last minute decided that I didn't want to chance throwing up (if I was going to) on all those nice people in the village churches. Good call on my part. 

And this is my other problem. when i become overwhelmed, when i feel like i cannot fix the problem, when i see such anguish that i cannot begin to comprehend, i become paralyzed. Sometimes the sadness here is so stifling that i cant seem to do what i need to do. that is my problem. how am i going to pursue a career that involves working with children like this, if i cant even put a cap on my emotions. some of the girls noticed i had been crying the other night during one of these overwhelming times and i dont like that. pray that my compassion would be stronger than the sadness i face.