post nine
okay. so sunday wasn't the best, as you probably already read. i was pretty sick and feeling extremely weak up until sunday evening.
yesterday, monday, we were supposed to start teaching the 5th and 6th class kids. they kept asking me all weekend, "sister, monday 5th and 6th class? english?" and i would tell them, "yes! class on monday. 5th and 6th." but when we walked into our classroom (the girl's dormitory) on monday morning at the normal time...our students were nowhere to be found! i found out shortly after that kiran had sent them to their regular school for the day to let me "rest."
needless to say, i was pretty upset. i felt fine, and i didn't like the idea of the kids missing out on a day they had been looking forward to. especially when they kept asking me about it.
so today, we had class with our kids. twenty-nine of them. twenty-nine sets of beautiful brown eyes. twenty-nine pairs of hands trying to play thumb wars with me during the breaks. twenty-nine notebooks being shoved in my face for me to check their work. twenty-nine mouths parroting our words and vowel sounds as they try to make sense of what we are saying.
at the end of class, we tried something with these kids that we hadn't tried with the other grades. we split them into three groups and had them each take turns reading a page from a dr. suess book. i had my kids reading "one fish two fish red fish blue fish." it was pretty great. except for the part when they were all talking at once and i could barely hear the person who was reading. it was a bunch of chaos. i had about eleven 10 and 11 year old boys tripping over each other to look over the shoulder of the one who was reading. slapping each other in the head when they can't see, asking me if they're going to learn "maths" tomorrow, and trying to get me to do thumb wars with them when they had finished reading ("no, we'll do that after class." "one time, sister." "no. i said we'll do it after class.")
after class we actually had some time to spend just hanging out with the boys. now i have to tell you this story, because it's really disgusting and funny and it's one of the things that reminds me that i'm in my element if i can deal with this kind of thing with laughter, and not throwing up.
cory and i were standing between the boy's dormitory and a storage building with about thirty or so boys. it's been raining a lot lately. and it's been windy. so i haven't been questioning the drops that have been landing on my skin every now and again.
but today. TODAY. i happened to look over when i felt a light spray of something. it seemed kind of weird, it was blowing sideways. and then i saw why. one of the little boys was taking a whizz about ten feet away from me and it was SO windy that it was blowing on me, and cory, and the other boys who were standing around us. siiiiick. but funny. it was funny.
then after taking about a bajillion pictures, the boys had some play time in the yard. we raced, we went down the slide, we danced, i got lots of hugs. i was blessed with an incredible amount of energy today. and i want that to be the image of aimee that these kids remember. i want them to remember that she wasn't too old to race them through the dirt, that she didn't get too bored playing thumb war after thumb war with them, that she wasn't too busy to give a hug or a pat on the head.
i've noticed something interesting about myself as i've been in india. i think one of my love languages is touch, or it's something that i value very much to feel close to people around me. when i break down the physical barrier with others, i feel much more connected to that person. and when i think about the people i'm closest to, a lot of it basically has to do with me, say...giving them a hug.
at school this year, i really missed giving people hugs. there just weren't a lot of people surrounding me daily who i could get a hug from, like i can from my mom or dad or brother or best friend. and i've noticed that, as i am here in india...constantly surrounded by those in NEED of touch (i cannot emphasize need enough) i don't feel the same void i feel when i'm away at school sometimes.
and i guess i would think that the void would feel even stronger here. i'm about as far away from my family and friends as one can get, and i'm frequently involved in the ups and downs of dealing with the "least of these." least of these, meaning...it doesn't get much worse than this. least of these meaning...your life of six years already holds more pain than i will experience in a lifetime. least of these meaning...it seems as if everyone else has forgotten about you.
but the void isn't here. i still experience pain, deep emotional pain. but i really think that all the hugs i get from my kids, their longing to be close to me, their comfort level that is revealed in how they approach me...is God's way of taking care of something he knows i need to feel whole.
i don't know if that makes sense. you guys need to know that i'm pretty much baring my soul here, there's not really anything on here that i wouldn't write in my private journal. so it's a lot of me just rambling. thoughts, feelings, this and that :)
i could use prayer for our goodbye. i know it sounds crazy, but i am SO scared to say goodbye to these kids. like literally, i can't think of ANYTHING worse in my life right now. there have only been a few times in my life, a few very personal times...when i have felt such searing, emotional pain. and one of these is always saying goodbye to these kids. i think part of what makes it so hard is that THEY don't understand it. they don't understand why you're leaving, they don't get why you have to go. they don't understand that you can't stay here forever. and it tears me up every time.
but i know i can't live like that. not while i'm here. it would be very easy for me to slip into that sort of mentality, and let it overtake my time here. pray that that wouldn't happen. pray that i would be here. be present. because truthfully, from what i've heard...and what i've experienced in my own life...presence is everything. YOU being present, giving yourself, filling in the gaps, fulfilling a need, putting others ahead of yourself...that is love. that is absolutely what communicates your love.
and i want my life to reflect that.
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