wow. i went from being the world's best blogger to the worst in just a few week's time. blame it on a bad internet connection, and the LBC team. we've been busy busy.
i'm not a huge fan of reality lately. today, i found out that three boys (two who i was pretty close to) went back to be with their families. vinod, one of the older boys, told me. when i asked if praveen was happy to go home, he told me yes. when i asked if balu subramanyam was happy to go home, he told me no. the language barrier only allows me to go that far. i don't know all that's involved between "happy" and "no happy." all i know is that two of my friends are gone, and i didn't get to say goodbye. sad. i can only hope and pray that they will be cared for.
i've also been feeling incredibly discouraged about my role here. i know i'm here to love on the kids. but tonight, with one week to go...i found myself in tears, asking God, why have you put all this pain in front of me? what am i supposed to do with this? this trip has been frustrating at times because i know what these kids need, but i don't know how to give it. or i CAN'T give it. because the things they need are the things a parent needs to give...and i can only do so much.
having the team here was an interesting switch for our group of three interns. the first time they came here, and we left the orphanage with them to go to a village...i realized it was only my second time leaving the orphanage grounds. crazy! it hasn't felt that way though. or it hasn't bothered me. we're here for these kids and i've been pretty content to spend all this time with them. six weeks is a long time...but at the same time it isn't.
i loved having the team here, but i'm ready for it to just be the three of us again.
so. sweet moments of the day. remember little karuna, the little girl in one of the first photos i posted from our trip...the baby girl in kiran's arms. she hasn't wanted any of us white folks to hold her up until the time the team got here. and then for whatever reason...she was okay with white people.
so i've been taking whatever chance i can get to hold her. she gets passed around the older kids quite a bit, especially when her mother is cleaning or working in the kitchen. and they love handing her off to me.
i love holding this little girl. she's one individual in my life that reminds me how fortunate i am to live healthily. i mean, i already know this...but she's a tangible reminder of it. she was born HIV positive. it's an interesting feeling, holding an HIV positive little girl. i seem to forget that she is, when i'm holding her. i did tonight when she fell asleep on my shoulder, and i laid her next to her brother...on a blanket, on the floor, in the room where their mother will join them in a few hours. and i leave the room, realizing that another sweet soul has been added to a long list of difficult goodbyes in the coming weeks.
but that goodbye came a lot sooner than i expected. tonight, karuna left with her mother and brother for the next few months. kiran is having a house built for them, so i went down to say goodbye just now. sad day. i love that little girl.
on a brighter note, our relationship with the staff here has been a huge blessing. because india is so positions-based, i'm guessing, it really factors into how much our teams end up interacting with all the individuals who make up berachah children's home. the kids, the staff, the doctor, kiran, his kids, his wife. in past years, we really gotten to spend time with them. and this year...i feel as if we have truly e who make things here. when we got home from hyderabad last night, really late, mary (woman who helps us teach english) and lakshmi (an older woman who in the kitchen) were standing in the hallway...and i ran up and gave them big hugs. like i was reuniting with family. that's a BIG deal in this culture. out of the ordinary. i love it!
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