kimberly has a cold. i think cory and i are on our way to getting it. we are exhausted. we're teaching the first and second class kids today...if you can call it teaching. they are talking over us and yelling and getting water every five minutes and i had to sit and restrain one of the girls during class so that she would stop clawing at the other children's eyes.
it's hard right now. really hard. but i know that when it comes time for us to leave next weekend, i'm not going to want to go.
one of the most frustrating things about being here sometimes is when i find myself in situation where i don't have my camera, or when i can't have my camera to capture what i'm seeing. i had one of those moments today.
the schools are on strike for the next week, so all the children came home early today. they were showing me on their fingers how many days they wont be in school. some of my fifth and sixth grade boys were gathering leaves from some of the plants in the garden to make the chutney for tonight's dinner.
it's been overcast all day, and breezy. those are my favorite kinds of days here. yes, because the alternative is blasted hot...but also because everything just looks so much more green. the bright clouds illuminate the greenery. my sweet guys were picking leaves and dropping them into a yellow tub. i asked if i could help.
and there we were. i gathered leaves with prabhakar, kiran, mahesh, jaya, samuelraju, and srinivas. my sweet boys. and in that moment, i wanted so badly to capture the way their dark eyes looked against the green grass and the silver sky. just beautiful. raindrops fell here and there, they taught me new words. i wish i could find a way to capture the way they look me in the eye and say, "no sister, _______," when i mispronounce a word, moving their hand with each syllable. they will probably never understand how much i treasure everything about them.
we've started eating in the kitchen again, now that the team is gone. back to normal. it's one of my favorite parts of the day.
at 9:30 PM, as we sat in the kitchen, i realized that i was late to say goodnight to the boys. i ran down the hallway and into the dormitory, which was already dark. vijay, the boy's caretaker, pointed inside and i said, "i know!! i'm late." lots of them were already sleeping, but i made my rounds to the ones who were still awake. how i LOVE them. if you've followed my facebook photos, you might remember a photo of me and a younger boy named kiran. each night when i go to say goodnight to him, he looks up at me from the tile floor, shakes my hand, and says, "God bless you."
another boy, one of the first or second class kids...pretended to be asleep when i said goodnight to him. he opened his eyes, grabbed my hand and held it against his chest, and closed his eyes again. i lingered for a few seconds and patted his head. how i wish i could have just scooped him up in that moment. when is the last time he felt someone's loving hand, patting him on the head?
my time here is breaking me. there will never be enough moments like that, never enough hugs, never enough time to satisfy.
i have WAY too many children who i love and who love ME to say goodbye to in a few days.
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