india post fourteen.

post fifteen

wow. we only have two full days left after tonight. incredible. sitting on that plane almost six weeks ago, leaving for india, i was wondering how it was going to feel sitting in the plane leaving in just a few days. i can't believe i'm about to find out what that feels like.

even though i am sad to leave, and it's going to break my heart on sunday...i feel satisfied by my time here. it's been great. it really has. so difficult at times, so hopeless at others. but so good. i wouldn't trade it for anything. i have loved not feeling rushed here. i have loved feeling like i live here. being able to live life alongside some of the best people i've ever met has been such a great feeling.

today, i sat in the kitchen with the staff...one of my favorite memories of being here. even though i don't know what's being said...i love sitting in the chair, sipping chai tea, and listening to them laugh together and yell at each other. i'm going to miss it so much.

i just finished reading "the cat in the hat" and "one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish" to the children who have chicken pox. they've been quarantined in the room that the girl's used to sleep in before the girl's dormitory was built. i try to pop my head in to say hi each day...because all they really do is sit there. well, not really. they're SUPPOSED to sit there. they run around in the room and i see them in the hallway periodically. poor kids. but it was just so cute. some of the kids weren't into it, but one of my boys...yesubabu, would say, "yaaaaaa!" every time a question was asked in one of the books. i sure am going to miss that stuff. the little things.

this morning was so nice. i took pictures of the kids, i walked around. right before lunch, i sat down with madame and sandra munni. munni is the little girl who was clawing children's eyes during class a few days ago, you might remember reading. she's definitely been one of the more difficult children for me to deal with. the other day she grabbed my nail file and i was scared she was going to stab someone with it. but i had such a sweet moment with her today. i patted her back and she sat on my leg and had me repeat different words in telugu. she pointed to her hair... "jutu." she pointed to her nose... "mooku." i haven't had lots of moments like that with her, since most of the time i'm scolding her...when she touches my camera lens, throws dirt in my hair...

shortly after that, the girls went down for lunch and i stayed there with madame, as she went through some of the case studies of the girls. they are kept in pink plastic folders. everything is in english, except for the space marked "case history." which is in telugu. i am so curious about the children here and what brought them to this place, i wish i could read it.

i LOVE madame. i still remember how not excited i was when i saw that SHE was going to the one helping us teach the english classes at the start of our trip. i remember thinking, really? she doesn't know any english either, how is she supposed to help us? but i...and cory and kimi...have come to love her so much, especially as she's become more comfortable around us and her personality has emerged. she has no problem rolling her eyes at us or telling us that she's tired now and i LOVE that, i love the honesty that i feel coming from her. it's kind of like how i gage relationships with the children...if they know me well enough to become angry with me, or show jealousy when i'm not giving them attention, then there must be something deeper there. and although it might frustrate or annoy, i really treasure that. 

but we sat there, next to the only bed in the empty dormitory. our voices echoed and i could smell the fresh paint from kimi's mural across the room. we sat there and talked about her two children. she asked how far away india was from america. she talked about how divya, one of the girls, has no father. i love talking to her. i love making connections. then she asked if i was coming back to india next summer. apart from daddy kiran, no adult has ever asked me that. not in india. 

i told her that if it was God's will that i come back next summer, that i would. and that even if i don't come back next summer, i will return some day because i have relationships here. she looked down and i saw tears in her eyes. she said, "memories." i remember a woman saying that to me a few years ago at VBS, after she wrote my name on a magnet we were making for a craft. was it her? i can't remember. but i was very struck by that. i feel so loved here.